My Speedometer Does Not Work
Or
Gromet Goes Under The Spanner
Thanks go to Steve Graham, Frank King and most of all Richard Taylor for Gromet's recovery.
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I wont go through the whole procedure, suffice to say off came the door,
Serious Business
Next the floor came out and the seats followed by the seat box. Gromet was still OK, no obvious signs of distress.
The operation began, grinders sent showers of sparks all over Richard, the air powered chisel did it's worst, spanners, screw drivers and hammers flashed through the air.
There was a lot of grunting, pushing heaving - and then it happened, a pool of oil spread across the floor, we had been working for two hours. We looked at Gromet we looked at the floor and then the coffee arrived, the moment was saved.
Five minutes later the crane went in through the left door and slings were passed round the left ventricle, they passed under the right hand sprockets, the U-bend adapter plate and the Achilles heal, (nothing like a bit of technical jargon). Very carefully Gromet's insides were separated and gently lifted out.
We peered in at the great cavity, thank goodness Gromet was still unconscious; we broke for lunch and as we relaxed we took in the incredible sun soaked vista of the Derbyshire countryside.
Off to the Operating Table
Our consultants, Frank, Marjorie and Steven arrived. The gear box was carefully positioned on a work bench, certain vital components were removed and placed in a stainless steel kidney dish. The box was then maneuvered into a vertical position, to assist in the removal of the over drive, once this was completed the old gear box was discarded, we are not sentimental you know!
The sparkling new replacement was wheeled in to the sound of the bag pipes. Suddenly Frank, who swore he was going to keep his hands clean and who was standing there minding his own business, found that his hands had left his camera, strayed across the bench and grabbed a cog wheel or two and were now covered in oil.
We continued to slave away as the sun slowly wandered across the sky, marking the transformation from morning to afternoon, to evening, to night. Electrically powered lights took the place of the sun; spanners, screw drivers and sockets continued to flicker across Gromet's chest cavity, shadows passed over the barn walls and the brilliant flash of arc welding split the night sky.
At last the magic moment arrived, with no floor and no seats the time had come to bring Gromet round. The key turned in the switch, the glow of dawning consciousness appeared in the orange glow plug warning light, then the engine burst into life. Smoke filled the barn. Very carefully we selected first gear before inching Gromet forward, then backwards. That was enough,
Gromet was still very groggy, and we were suffocating, the engine was turned off. Assembly continued until finally at eight thirty the last bolt was screwed into position - we had done it.
The comet, "Hail Bop" took time off, during it's head long dash through our solar system, ice crystals streaming out for millions of miles, to beam down from the heavens and watch Gromet circumnavigated the barns. The new gear box was tight but oh so positive. The operation was a success with only one niggling exception, the speedo did not work, and it still didn't work on Monday.
I spent hours trying everything until in desperation I went toHalfords and bought one of their bicycle computers, a battery operated speedo. An hour later it was wired in but it gave ridiculous readings, 53 mph then 36 mph then 45 mph.
Tuesday dawned, I rewired the speedo, using screened cable, but it was no better! finally I phoned Steve and asked him for his advice. "No problem, very gently hammer out the internal core of Gromet's speedo cable until it fits the gear box"
Ten minutes later Gromet was pronounced 100% fit due to the hard work and dedication of a committed team, a partnership separated by hundreds of miles but united by a love of Series III Land Rovers.
Six Months Later
Gromet kept jumping out of 2nd gear, or would not go into second gear. Driving became very tense. On phoning round I discovered the problem was probably a broken washer just behind the overdrive and true enough two little tabs had broke off a locking washer, which cost 13 pence. All the gears on the main shaft began to loosen off and move about on the shaft. The whole gear box relies on those tiny tabs!!!
I had to take the overdrive off and the castleated nut, put in a new washer and after hammering the nut back, good and proper, I assembled it and Gromet is fine again.
Thanks again to Frank and Richard for their advice regarding the rotten little washer!
The Summer of '98
Either we had struck oil on our drive or Gromet was going for a record. Oil was no longer appearing in distinct patches, it was merging into one large, all consuming, puddle.
The black goo was coming from everywhere, as usual. The oil not only covered the underside of the engine and the gear box, it now covered the brake drum on the prop shaft, and I may say it was doing the brakes no good at all, in fact the hand brake no longer worked, Gromet just slipped away when ever it was applied!
I stripped the offending unit down, cleaned and assembled it, but it was no better, the source of the oil leak had to be found. The all evasive black gunge seemed to be oozing out of the transfer box, what is more, to get to the origin of this slimy mess I had to remove the break drum once again, and then the prop shaft to get to the oil seal which had given up on its life long work. The removal of these assemblies took ages but in the end the malfunctioning plastic disc was found and replaced by a brand new seal. To consummate the task a new set of brake shoes were inserted.
All was well for the next couple of days then, to my abject horror, I saw the black liquid spreading out once more, the repulsive black splats were glinting on the drive again, and we were off to Cornwall the next day.
Decision time, Land Rover or Granada, well the hand brake was still working so Gromet was given a reprieve. We made our way to the A38 and over to the M6 but as we proceeded south west Gromet's smooth, silk like ride, began to deteriorate, either that or the roads were turning into farm tracks, of course I blamed the roads but after a hundred miles, then two hundred I had to admit that the problem could possibly be with Gromet, when the hand brake failed once again my worst fears were confirmed.
On arriving in St Ives Gromet was parked up and remained parked up all the time we were in Cornwall. We had to rely on Ilona and Alan driving us about in their car. It was a great holiday but Gromet sat there and sulked for days.
The next trip to Cornwall was made in the 'Tank', the memories were too much for poor old Gromet.
Our trek back home was strained and stressful, we could not go over 40 mph for fear of causing real damage to Gromet's vitals, Gromet was definitely not well.
Foremost 4x4 admitted Gromet the next day where Bob gave me the good news, I had replaced the oil seal correctly, but the bad news was that the transfer box needed a lot of work doing on it, something about shims, which should have been there, not being there.
A week later, after the replacement of the oil seal, a new set of brake shoes, and after a lot of money had changed hands Gromet drove out of the garage, into the bright sun light happy and chirpy once more.
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I could not believe it.
There seemed to be a problem with the gear box again.
In The Spring of '99
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I lost first gear in a traffic jam in Sandiacre, it went out with a bang, not a loud bang, it just sounded as though it had jumped out of gear. I panicked, I was in a traffic jam and the roundabout only meters away. I tried the low box, put it into second and away I went. I got out of the low box but I could not get out of four wheel drive.
I managed to get to work after passing the flooding which had caused the traffic jam in the first place, Gromet could have tucked his jeans into his welly boots and ploughed through the water no problem but we were stuck behind all these inferior vehicles, even if they did have all their gears working properly.
Once again I phoned Bob, he told me I had transmission windup, all I had to do to get out of four wheel drive was to jack up one side and the back wheels would release themselves, rather sharpishly.
The weekend before I had seriously though about taking the trolley jack out of Gromet, to reduce weight and save on diesel. Luckily I had not, everything went as planned and I drove back to Foremost 4x4. This time it was even more serious, basically the gear box was a mess, it had to be rebuilt.
Clutch Problems
In the last couple of weeks of the twentieth century Gromet fell ill again, no clutch. Luckily Rosie was on holiday so the Tank stepped in and ferried me to work and back each day while Gromet sulked in a corner at home. Another phone call to Bob, or rather Wayne, and Gromet was booked into Foremost 4x4 again.
Wayne checked the hydraulics first, it was only the Master cylinder and slave cylinder. Within 24 hours I had Gromet back and his clutch was better than it has been for years.
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